And then Kai did it
by Applebucker77
Summary: Based on the hilarious MLP fanfic "And then they did it". Kai goes around and fucks a bunch of characters. Written solely out of boredom, and for purely HUMOROUS purposes. I MIGHT write a second chapter. If yall want a say in it, visit my new poll.


**Okay, look guys. It's a joke! I wrote a joke! Quit fucking flaming me!**

**If you're curious, the music I was listening to while writing this includes: "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails, "Sunglasses at Night" by Corey Hart, and "Mickey" by Toni Basil.**

* * *

**1. A Whole Set**

Kai woke up one day feeling great. He decided that today would be the perfect day for a certain activity he'd wanted to do for quite some time.

"Hey, Mr. Roboto!" Kai yelled at his friend Zane. "I need to see you for a second." They went into the bathroom.

"What is it, Kai?" Zane queried.

"I wanted to ask, do you happen to have any genitals? I keep wondering what the hell is down there."

Zane removed his pants. "Yes I do, you pervert. A whole set."

"Can you use them?"

Zane smirked. "Wanna find out?" He purred.

Kai smirked too. "Fuck yeah."

And then they did it.

**2. The Game**

After a quick shower, Kai went into his sister's room, where she was working on bluepints fo some new contraption that Kai had no interest in whatsoever.

"What's up, crack-whore?"

"Get out, Kai. I'm PMS-ing really bad." She threw a book at his head, which he swiftly dodged like the epic ninja that he is.

"Hey Nya, do you remember that game we used to play when we were tweens?"

She slammed her fist on the desk. "Dammit, asshole! Now I just lost the Game!"

"No, not that one, I'm talking about the Incest game."

"Oh, that. Yeah, but that was like five years ago, dumbass."

Kai picked up his sister and threw her on the bed. "Wanna play it? For old times sake?"

"Uhhhh..." Nya said nohing as Kai pulled the covers over both of them.

"I'll take that as a yes."

And then they did it.

**3. Ponies and Beer**

After a couple of cigarettes, Kai left his sister's hot stuffy bedroom and trained with Lloyd. The kid hadn't grown up yet, so he was still sassy and immature.

Kai knew he had to put the kid in his place, so after the training, he sent him to the TV room to watch My Little Pony. He followed him into the room with a couple cans of beer.

Lloyd looked super-happy when Kai entered the room. "Can I have some?" He asked when he saw the alcohol.

"Help yourself." Kai tossed a can at Lloyd and watched him guzzle it down.

It made Lloyd super buzzed.

"Lloyd, I have a question for you. Do you have a crush on me?"

"Hell yeah!" He slurred.

"That's all I needed to hear." Kai leapt on top of the drunk twelve year-old.

And then they did it.

**4. Completing the Circle**

Kai fixed his very messed-up hair and left Lloyd alone to wonder what the hell just happened.

As he walked through the hallway, he spotted his self-appointed best friend Jay. He had a very cocky smile on his lips.

"Guess what, Kai? I just fucked your sister like a fucking animal."

"That's great, Jay. So did I."

Jay's smile fell. "You WHAT?"

"Yep. Had her begging for more." (Actually, just like Lloyd, she just lay on bed and stared at the ceiling wondering what the hell happened.)

"You're lying."

Kai took a few steps closer to Jay, cutting off his escape. "Nope. And now I think I should complete the circle."

"W-what do you mean?"

"I'm gonna fuck you, Jay." With that, Kai pinned Jay to he floor on his stomach. He spanked the blue ninja's tight ass to shut him up.

"Oh shit." whispered Jay.

And then they did it.

**5. Messy**

After banging his bestie like a wild dog, Kai left the Destiny's Bounty. He strutted the streets of Ninjago City, feeling like the goddamn King of the World.

He strolled into Dareth's fancy dojo, and immediately noticed how clean the place was. He saw Dareth gazing at all of his fake trophies.

"Sup, Elvis?"

"Hey, man-whore."

"Nice little pad you got here. It would be a darn shame if someone were to spill any hot liquids on the lovely polished floor."

"Are you implying something?"

"Maybe."

"Is it what I think it is?"

"Could be."

Dareth quit staring at his trophies and walked toward Kai. "You wanna do it?"

"Do you Dareth me to?"

"Just tell me when and where."

"Right here. Right now. I'll_ totally_ help you clean up the mess," Kai lied.

With that, Dareth ripped off all of his clothes. As did Kai.

And then they did it.

**6. Totally Tripping/Sunglasses at Night**

After totally_ not_ cleaning up the huge mess, Kai walked underground through the snake tunnels, because he can totally do that. Like, totally.

He found the Venomari general Acidicus, hiding in his man-cave playing MW3 and totally snorting coke.

Kai snuck inside, being a totally super sneaky ninja. He stole some of the coke, inhaled it, and then surprised Acidicus.

"RAWRGH!"

The green snake-guy totally freaked out, slipped on his own venom and fell on the floor. Kai picked him up by his horns. Acidicus spat venom in his face, but Kai was totally wearing a pair of epic sunglasses, so the venom did totally nothing.

He totally pinned him to the floor on his back. "Hey scaly-ass, wanna know something?"

Acidicus, still totally high on coke, said "I don't know if I want to know..."

Kai totally ignored him. "I like to have sex while wearing my sunglasses. At night." He then picked up a vial of Venomari acid and dropped it into the four yellow eyes.

"Holy shit," said Acidicus when he totally started tripping. He saw some crazy ass stuff while Kai unzipped his pants.

And then they totally did it. Like, totally.

**7. Another Crush**

After smoking some of the leftover crack cocaine, Kai magically appeared in the Underworld, filled with bones and darkness and the first season of Jersey Shore (Yes, the one with Angelina).

He brought a bottle of fine wine with him. He had been looking forward to this for a long time.

"Sup, four-arms?" Kai said to Lord Garmadon.

"Nothing much, how bout you, Sparky?"

"Nothing much. Care for some wine?"

"I have just the glasses to put it in."

And then they shared the wine while watching the 2-hour version of "Fluttershy gets BEEBEEPED in the maze."

After clopping for 2 hours, they were both lightly buzzed. They collapsed on the leopard-skin loveseat in Garmadon's bedroom.

Kai looked at the Lord of Darkness. Evil had never looked so sexy. "Hey, do you think that if we did it, we would remember it?"

"We might, or we might not, since you're fucking wasted, kid. I don't fucking know."

"Wanna find out?"

Garmadon put all four arms around the fire ninja, and used his magical powers to turn off the lights.

And then they did it (and remembered every second of it).

**8. Kinky Comeuppance**

The day was winding down and coming to an end. Kai went back to the Bounty feeling like complete shit. He answered no questions when he walked through the hallways at 11:30.

He went into the bedroom, only to be face-to-face with his boyfriend, the earth ninja himself, Cole.

_Oh fuck_, he thought._ I am fucking dead._

"Hello, Kai."

"Mrrrrgh."

"So, what did you do today? I was on the ship the whole time helping clean up, but I didn't see you once."

"Uh, I was out."

"Out doing what?"

"...Stuff."

"Oh, really?" Cole cocked his head disbelievingly. "Because I heard that you were out fucking all of Ninjago today like a little man-whore. Were you?"

Kai hung his head in shame. "Yeah, I did."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You know what I do with unfaithful little sluts like you?" Cole walked behind him and locked the door.

Kai was starting to get worried. "What?"

"I punish them."

And with that, he ripped off all of Kai's clothes, blindfolded him, and cuffed his hands behind his back.

"Bad little slut! Bad, bad, bad little whore!" Cole yelled as he spanked kai with a wooden paddle. "Say you're a naughty little slut!"

"Ouch! I am a naughty little slut!"

"Say it again!"

"I AM A DIRTY, NAUGHTY, SLUTTY, PERVERTED MAN-WHORE!"

"That's right." Cole uncuffed his boyfriend and hugged him. "And now I forgive you."

And then they smoked two joints.

And then they did it._ Fifteen_ times.

**Epilogue**

The next day, Kai found out he was pregnant, so he and Cole got married.

Nine months later, they had a baby unicorn.

And they named it Lyra Heartstrings.

And that's where unicorns come from.

**The End**

And then they did it.


End file.
